Sunday, November 28, 2010

How are you doing - the real answer.

When death comes to visit, that has got to be the most common thing people say. Most times I just say I'm 'okay' as opposed to my normal answer of 'fine'. Of course, we all know that 'fine' can mean anything from 'I'm having the best day ever' to 'I really don't want to talk about it', but, here is what my 'okay' really means.

Tough day. Tried to get some paperwork ready to mail and ran into a couple of snags. Think I might need a copy of my own birth certificate to take care of some things, but I don't have one. Go figure. Found out I didn't have it a couple of months ago and said I needed to get one. Didn't do it. I want to make sure that I send off the right stuff to the DMV. It would be one thing to ride across town with the wrong paperwork, but to mail it across the country is a bit stressful. Finals are approaching. I finished the research paper today, have math tests to make up, then study guides to fill out, and text books to read. And I'm working. I haven't even looked at my son's school work for the last month. God, I am so tired. I can't even think. I don't want to sleep at night. Keep having nightmares and dreaming weird stuff. Half the time, I don't even remember the dreams. My husband just soothes me back to sleep. He doesn't quite know what to do with me. I try to pretend that I'm fine, then it comes out at the oddest times that I'm really not okay. Like today. He was trying to explain something about the DMV, and I just lost it a little. Things get so confusing to me. I know I need to do certain things certain ways, but I don't even know where to begin.



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3 comments:

  1. I've been "okay" lately too. My mom passed away on Thanksgiving this year and it's so much harder than I ever imagined. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  2. I am so sorry to hear that Barbara... Grab a cup of coffee, and we'll grieve together, alright?

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