Saturday, October 30, 2010

A Gift for No One

What do you do when the person you're knitting a gift for no longer is? When this pile of yarn looks at you and all you can see is the one who no longer is? Do you continue to knitting the hat, knowing he will never wear it? Do you give it to someone else? How could I do either? Can I bear finishing it? Shall I rip it apart? But then what? The yarn will forever be his - have his name etched on it. Shall I toss it away, maybe give the whole thing to someone else to finish or frog as they please?

What do you do with the knowledge that had you finished it sooner, he would have had time to enjoy it? It was the first thing I'd ever made for my daddy and now he'll never have it. Here I sit on the plane, with the hat and uninterrupted time to knit. I had no idea this would happen - I just picked up my portable project and plunked it in the bag. Now I can't look at it. I can't bear the thought of it.

I don't want to bury my daddy, but this plane doesn't stop. I can't tell the pilot to put my seat down and let me out like I did the ferris wheel operator. No, the plane flies steadily on, one hour down, two hours past... In two more, I'll be there and have to face it all. But the hat will stay tucked away, out of sight I think. And probably given away, unfinished.



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2 comments:

  1. Sorry for your loss.My dad passed last october. There are still teary times and i expect to have them for awhile longer. Give youself time to grieve and love your memories of him.

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  2. So sorry to hear about your dad. Daddies are such special people to us girls, huh?

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